They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
