My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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