My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
