well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
