When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He felt like a one man threesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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