i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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