Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
