She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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