Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
