She just used a chaser for red wine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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