we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
