I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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