where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
