I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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