Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
