I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
