would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
