I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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