You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
