Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
