well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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