You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
