ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
