is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
