I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize