4 words: hood of his car
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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