OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
