people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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