I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am one with the molecules
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
