"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
