If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
