I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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