sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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