Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize