I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
