I can text with my tongue
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
