he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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