Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
