I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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