i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
