yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
