just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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