I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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