I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
