I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
