Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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