Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
