1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
