i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
