what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
