that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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