So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize