Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
