I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
