she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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