Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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