i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize