I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
