last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
