Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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