you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize