white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
