So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
