I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
