Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
