She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
