Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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