By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
