I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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