i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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