when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
