Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize