i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
