dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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