why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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