It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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