this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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