I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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