I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
