so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
