he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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