I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
