I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
