I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
