be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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