so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
