I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize