you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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