There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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