The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
