That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
