we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
