I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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