Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
