I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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