are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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