Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
