I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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